Book Review: "The Rules", by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

A year after the publishing of "The Game", billed as "Men's answer to "The Rules", I decided to read the original "Rules" myself. This book stirred a huge controversy about ten years ago by suggesting a woman could make herself irresistible to men by not accepting a weekend date after wednesday, limiting calls and breaking up with guys that don't give valentine presents.

When I first heard about this book I thought the same things everyone else did- that it was stupid at best, and manipulative at worst. The most often-quoted rule "Don't return phone calls" didn't help matters much.

Finally, I decided to pick it up out of curiousity. I decided that if it was good in a manpulative way, I could at least get to "know my enemy" and spot out women that played games.

But to my surprise, the book was a lot more reasonable than I expected it to be. Aside from the first few rules about limiting calls, etc (which I still find petty), it actually gives some fairly decent advice on how to
make a man comfortable with a woman -Don't nag him incessantly or try to "change" him, buy him clothes, etc, don't cling to him emotionally within weeks of dating him and leave the ideas of marriage and future children hanging anxiously over the air of everything you do, etc.

People usually attack this book by discussing the importance of being oneself. As far as the fundamentals of who you really are go, I certainly agree. But the truth is, getting along with other people often takes work. Learning to not talk about yourself incessantly and asking others about their own lives in conversation might seem like "manipulative ploys" too, but lets face it- people that do these things are usually a lot easier to be around. By the same token, there really are some fundamental things men and women can learn to make each other comfortable while they're dating.

I suspect a lot of guys that rant about this book have had frustrations with manipulative and fickle women in their own lives, and assume that any book like this will just aid such women in becoming worse. But actually, this book is designed to help women find sincere men, and deflect guys that seem to have flair and charisma, but are hiding bad intentions (Dating married men or being the woman "on the side" are out, for example). I've seen a lot of otherwise good women fall into the trap of thinking that any man that treats them with respect and some reverence couldn't possibly be worth dating, and instead wind up with guys that seem more confident and dominant, but actually treat them poorly and don't really offer them anything. This book encourages women to get out of that trap of thinking, and that leaves more women for nice guys.

To sum it up, I'd like to quote one of the final and most important rules, which rarely seems to get any coverage in the media- "Love only those who love you". Who can argue with that?

The Original Ronald McDonald 1963

This commercial fascinates me. It's horrible, yet I can't look away...

Mcdonald's 1967 TV Ad

First national McDonalds ad. You've got to hand it to them, this is a pretty snappy commercial.

McDonalds in Japan

about as far from that first ronald mcdonald video as you can possibly get.

Is the Daily Show Losing It’s Touch Without Ben Karlin?

Jon Stewart is still probably my favorite person on TV, but over January something was a little off with the Daily Show. And while it was hard for me to put my finger on it at first, it’s gradually becoming clearer what former Executive producer Ben Karlin brought to the show, and what it’s lacked since his departure in December. Of course, this isn't to say that the Daily Show has plummeted completely downhill since January. And even if this past month was off, ups and downs are common for shows that air as constantly as this one. But when major creative talent leaves a show and another person takes their place, there are bound to be changes in tone and perspective.

On the surface, it might seem that the only person the Daily Show has to fear losing is Jon Stewart himself. The Daily Show has lost several seemingly indispensable people over the years such as Rob Corrdry and Steve Carrell, only to come back funnier than ever.

But while his face might not be familiar to viewers, Karlin’s role was much more significant. A former writer for The Onion who joined the show shortly after Jon Stewart became host, he played a major role in shaping it into the political and comedic powerhouse that it currently is. Karlin had a lot to do with shaping the shows' political perspective, and it's attitude toward the media and public figures. This attitude and perspective is a large part of the reason the Daily Show has gotten so much respect from many public figures and pundits. And in a way, it gave the show the upper hand in political debates that helped it be so funny.

I’m not trying to talk down Stewart’s obviously huge role in the success of his own show. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. He’s extremely likeable, well spoken and funny, and the show probably wouldn’t work if anyone else was host. He doesn’t need Ben Karlin to write jokes for him. He’s extremely fast, has a great line for every occasion, and can be a great speaker when the occasion calls for it (check out his speech from the first Daily Show after 9/11, for example, it’ll bring you to tears).

But Jon Stewart was always a funny, likeable and well spoken guy, even way back in the early 90’s when he was still a Grade-C celebrity. He had been passed up by NBC to succeed Johnny Carson as host of the tonight show, and for all his promise, as Rolling Stone pointed out in 2004, he was in danger of becoming one of those comedians who always seems to be around the fringes of TV, but never quite seems to make it to the next level. He was just sort of on the periphery of things, like Carson Daly is these days.

What broke Jon Stewart into the mainstream was his show’s ability to point out the outrageousness of what goes on in the world, and that isn’t quite as easy to do as you might think. What makes the Daily Show’s best jokes so funny is the feeling that somehow they just nailed the situation they’re commenting on, and gotten to the truth of the matter. We all get the feeling we’re getting Bulls**tted by politicians sometimes, but not all of us can perfectly articulate how and why, even to ourselves. Breaking down the BS into a single line that explains it perfectly takes a unique mind. They say that there’s a little truth behind every joke. If you
can nail the truth on the tip of everyone’s tongues, you’ll have the funniest jokes of all.

But here’s the thing- as smart and articulate as Stewart is, that talent has likely been more Karlin’s than his. Karlin has been Stewart’s greatest political adviser, the Lennon to Stewart’s McCartney, the Karl Rove to his George Bush. The position Stewart took on his infamous CNN Crossfire appearance was the result of ongoing private discussions with Karlin. (You can learn more about those discussions and what went on behind the scenes that day at Crossfire by listening to this interview with Karlin here).

While Karlin is a funny guy himself, the show didn’t necessarily need him for gags. As he said in this interview, “I know I can spend a day, a week, a month, a year, a lifetime, really, not being funny and many people here have me covered.” But as executive producer, Karlin shaped the attitude and perspectives that made the jokes possible in the first place.

A classic example of how sharp analysis helps the show's humor was when Stewart pointed out that Fox News sweetens even the most most ridiculous statements simply by adding a question mark (for example: "Is the liberal media helping to spread terror?" or "#1 President on Mideast Matters: George W. Bush?" ). Alone, this fact isn't funny. It's the kind of thing a good political commentator points out, not someone grabbing for a laugh. But put in the hands of a good comedian, it becomes fantastic subject matter for jokes. Watch Stewart work with it here.

Since Karlin's departure, Stewart has been more or less as funny punchline-for-punchline., but something seems to be off. The show still comment on politics, but the commentary they make is more obvious, and they seem to be having trouble finding that sharp edge that usually gives them the final word on the matter. For their coverage of the State of the Union address on January 24, a lot of the jokes seemed stray and unfocused, like when they joked that Dick Cheney was passing the time with Nancy Pelosi by telling dirty jokes, and that Samantha Bee got her boob signed by the president, gags that don't have a root in any fact. Meanwhile, Rob Riggle bragged that he had gotten Bush to sign a presidential pardon by pretending he wanted his autograph.

Of course, it could be noted that neither Bee nor Riggle are particularly inspired correspondents. But as Karlin has commented, ideas that correspondents riff off more often than not come from producers. A fundamental but subtle problem with this piece was that neither comedian had an "angle" on the news story to play off of. It was just jokes about the speech for the sake of it, with no deeper point to make.

When they did comment, they didn't have as much to add as they've had in the past. They played clips of George Bush saying something must be done about Global Warming and the deficit, and pointed out that he’s now doing the opposite of everything he used to do, like George from Seinfeld. True? Absolutely. But does it hit home anything about the speech that you weren’t already thinking yourself? Not really. And it wasn’t that funny, either.

Another problem is that while Stewart feels the same outrage the rest of us do, lately he hasn’t been as good at staying on top of it. In the past Stewart has kept his sense of humor and brought sharp perspectives to even the most combatitive situations (take when he nailed Bill O’Reilly with a Peanuts analogy, for example). But again, having that kind of poise requires you to have slightly clearer idea of the issue than everyone else, and that’s a hard act to pull off, even if you’re a naturally funny person. Compare last year’s Karlin-directed coverage of Cheney’s hunting accident (see the above stated interview for more on how those jokes came together) with the January 25 piece on Cheney’s recent CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer. Cheney’s lesbian daughter is adopting a baby with her partner, even though he and Bush got re-elected on an anti-gay marriage platform. When asked about it, Cheney refused to acknowledge the hypocrisy.

In the past, the Daily Show has knocked items like this out of the park, but this time Stewart didn’t seem to have the insight into the situation to get the joke he needed- instead, he resorted to that Penguin super-villain squawk he always does in his Cheney imitations, repeating it over and over with a tinge of anger, like a childhood taunt, and addressed Cheney as Darth Vader.
Justified, to be sure. I'm sure most people would agree with everything he said...and probably would've before the piece even aired. But what did it add to the debate? What did it expose about Cheney's position that we weren't already thinking?

To sum it up, Stewart will always be funny…but in order to be really funny, his show has to keep cracking jokes from places we're not expecting. If he doesn’t have a better perspective on the news than the rest of us, can he keep being the best? Time will tell, and I’ll be really happy if I’m wrong. But so far it’s not looking so promising.

Homeless in Japan

Sakurajima from the ferry
DVD Store, Osaka
True homelessness in Japan: Cardboard house by the docks



Miyajima, off Hiroshima



Palm trees in the rain, Kagoshima

Red at a stoplight

Sakurajima erupts...gave me a scare


My capsule hotel in Nakasu, Fukuoka

When I arrived in Fukuoka after a year in Thailand, I headed to the exchange counter, only to watch all the hard-earned bhat I'd saved there melt under the unfavorable exchange rate. Money that could have lasted me a whole day in Bangkok could barely buy me a pastry at Starbucks in Fukuoka.

Left without much in way of funds, I lived on 100-yen Mcdonald's hamburgers and handouts, slept in Capsule Hotels, made cold calls from the phonebook to English Conversation schools to find jobs, and passed time the cheapest way I could think of, by hitch-hiking. In the initial round I traveled to Kagoshima, Kumamoto, Osaka and Western Shikoku. It was a good time in my life, if a little tumultuous at times. Anyway, the link to the full album is here.

"Mega Mac" hits Japan

A 4-patty Big Mac set with enough fat to kill a small animal. Some people see this as a sign of the times. Japan is arguably the world's healthiest country and has the world's longest life expectancy. It's likely you can thank their diets of fish and vegetables for that. That such a big burger is so enormously popular here now could say a lot about changes in their eating habits.

But I'm not totally convinced yet...One thing I've noticed about Japan is that they're big on novelty. On TV I see lots of shows where they take trips to Ramen restaurants famous for serving enormous bowels of ramen that almost no-one can finish, or triple-stacked Okonomiyaki (Don't really know how to translate or even describe that one...octopus cake?)

Its not that they're particularly gluttonous, just that they like the gimmick and want to try it once. I could be wrong (though I hope I'm not), but there's a good chance this could just be a fad that dies down after people get used to it and the novelty of eating a disgustingly huge burger wears off.

From the Fort Worth Star Telegram-

McDonald's MegaMac takes Japan by storm

Staff report

For those of us who feel a pang of guilt every time we tear into a big juicy burger, here's a bit of news that will ease our minds -- and waistlines:

Behold, McDonald's Mega Mac, a monstrous burger containing four, count 'em four, meat patties. It is flying off the grill in Japan, according to the Mainichi Daily News. So much so, that McDonald's has had to limit the daily number of Mega Macs being sold.

The Mega Mac debuted on Jan. 12, and about 3.32 million of the burgers have been sold already, doubling expectations.

The limits have not dissuaded hungry customers. In fact, the Mega Mac is more popular than Madonna. People are lining up outside some McDonald's in the heart of Tokyo at the crack of dawn, Mainichi reports, and some are selling out of their quota of Mega Macs before noon.

Customers who miss out on the mammoth burgers, which are selling for 350 yen, or $2.89 US, get a coupon enabling them to buy the Mega Mac next time for half-price.

McDonald's had planned to sell the Mega Mac until Feb. 4, but, surprise, it is extending the sales period for at least one week.No word yet on whether the Mega Mac is coming to the U.S.

Here's to Kyushu, Japan

check out the size of those boats...



Last week one of my co-workers was talking about his new bosses at his other job, who had just arrived from company headquarters in Tokyo. He wasn't quite sure what to make of him and wasn't so comfortable with their transfers. "It's funny, he mused. "They're polite..but they're not friendly". They bring him documents and so on with this cold austere politeness, but when he says Ohayo (good morning) to them, they either don't respond or given him a curt, reserved little nod of acknowledgment.

He's been in Kyushu his whole time here, and never been to Tokyo...and it shows. To make such an observation about the locals' behavior in Eastern Japan would be akin to pointing out that the sky is generally blue, especially for someone living in Japan as long as he has. But for someone who only knows Japan in terms of Kyushu, it comes as a surprise.

I remember when I first came to Kyushu, and hitched a ride to Kagoshima with a trucking company. The company was pretty friendly, and the boss who picked me up took me to the company's office so that I could switch rides. Most people were pretty friendly, and asked about my country Canada and everything, but one guy seemed over-serious and didn't say much. Later, in the truck, the driver told me that he had been at the Tokyo office for 5 years "He hasn't been the same since," he said. "But slowly we're loosening him up again."

Anyway, I've been really, really sick today, and came close to catching pneumonia before I got a shot and antibiotics. I had to stop by the University I work at to tell them how to administer an exam that was scheduled for today, and I was really happy with how cooperative and concerned everyone was. Then my boss at my other job set me up to go to her clinic. They paid my cab fare and the entire bill. When I thanked them they just waved the notion away; for them, these kind of courtesies are just standard behavior for decent people. Keep in mind, these actions weren't that detached sense of obligation, While manners dictate some of the mentality, it still rose from genuine concern and kindness.

Of course, there are people like that in Canada too...but they're hailed as saints and admired as being extraordinarily kind and considerate. So it makes me really happy to live in a place where those kinds of courtesies are normal, and reminds me why I like it here so much.

My neighborhood- 2 fires in 4 months

My neighborhood is pretty quiet most of the time, but when there is a commotion it's pretty big. There have been 2 fires in 4 months in my immediate neighborhood,one literally across the street and one just a minute's walk down the hill.

The first one was around 4 am, and for some reason I couldn't sleep. I heard a series of loud bangs. At first in my sleepless haze they were fireworks or something, but when I finally looked outside my neighbor's roof was one fire -I'm actually the one who called 911 on it (or 119, in this country). Fortunately the upstairs doubles as an office, so no-one was there at the time. the building has since been repaired.

(Odd company though...lots of hipster guys in their twenties that ride hip little retro scooters to work, and the boss has an expensive imported Alfa Romeo foreign car...hard to say, but it might run 70 grand. One time me and my friend heard screaming outside. This woman was freaking out at this guy in the middle of the street, stopping only to hit him occasionally. He just stood there and took it with this expressionless look on his face, like an inanimate object propped up on two legs. Finally she walked off. He watched her until she turned the corner and went back inside.)

The second fire was just the other night, and a total inferno. Its actually not quite as bad here arguably because as you can see the fire department is already going to work on it. At first I could see flames shooting up all the way from the top of my hill.

What is it with this neighborhood? Makes me paranoid my own building might be next...

Cape Disappointment was a Total Letdown

There's a wall-size world map in my classroom at the trade college I teach at. Sometimes while my students are doing written work I gaze at it, and one particular place caught my attention- to the northwest of the U.S is Cape Disappointment. There was something alluring about it, something that seemed to promise mystery and adventure.

You know that yearning you get sometimes in your life, that urge to feel more alive than you've ever felt? Somehow I sensed that I could experience that there. With every fiber of my being, I felt that my life would change if I went to Cape Disappointment. Finally, I dropped everything to travel there.

Was it worth it? No. Let me tell you, it SUCKED BIG TIME.

Me and my friends had packed our van with Corona, Tequila and party favors. We were ready to rip and ready to live. Never have I looked forward to a single event more. I was hoping for excitement, adventure...maybe even a little romance.

However, Cape Disappointment hardly lived up to my expectations. It was bland, nondescript, remote and unremarkable. There was nothing to see or do. The sky was deeply overcast. A slight drizzle continued throughout the day. My friends, who I had enticed to come with what I now admit were half truths about Cape Disappointment, were furious that I had led them so far and in such anticipation for so little.

Never before have my high hopes been dashed so thoroughly, never before have I expected so much only to experience so little. You might think a trip out there would be great fun, but DON'T GO. It's just not worth it.

CatBurglars Beware!

Some pictures of a sign I saw at a capsule hotel in Sapporo...People in Japan aren't all that afraid of crimes being committed against them by other Japanese people, but they're mortified by the idea that it could happen at the hands of a foreigner. So when they warn against theft, they make extra sure the gaijin get the message.


Look how pissed off this cat burglar is! He looks like that security camera totally ruined his day.

Apple iphone rips off the LG KE850..another lawsuit pending?

engadget.com has pointed out that the supposedly revolutionary iphone is eerily similar to the already introduced LG phone, which has already won a design award apparently.

I'm of two minds about this...on one hand, the phones are clearly very similar, and this proves that apple isn't quite as innovative as they're hailed to be if someone already has a touch screen phone out.

But I wonder if the design similarities couldn't be coincidence anyway. Realistically, what else could a full-screen touch screen phone look like? It fits in the palm of your hand, its rectangular, and it doesn't have many buttons on it...but that's because it has a full-screen touch screen, remember?

Even if you deliberately wanted to make another full-screen touch screen phone that looked as different as possible, what could you do to make it all that different? Should a rival touchscreen phone be a shape other than rectangular like every other cell on the market, or larger than the size of your average cell phone, just to draw away comparisons? What else could you do with it, make it circular?

I've heard criticisms that they're both black (Though apple's is grey on the reverse side) . What other color could a phone made outside of Japan be? Black and gray describe pretty much every American cell phone I've ever seen. What other colors do most companies use on cellphones? Orange and Red sell well in Japan, but in most markets people seem to want the same black and gray phones every time out.

Even the similar interface could be coincidental. Of course its going to have large, illustrated faux-3D buttons -Its a touch screen. I use touch screen technology at ATMs here in Japan all the time, and they always have buttons that look like that. On the dial-pad, both phones are rigged to have buttons the same size and shape as a regular cellphone dial-pad, which is pretty much what you would expect, no matter who's looking at who's designs.

On the dial screens, they both have that luminescent blue hue. But that color is standard for both Windows XP and Mac OS X, in other words, a color used by both the major graphic interfaces and standard in the computer industry. And lets not forget, Apple kicked off that color and trend with the OS X in the first place. Apple said they wanted this phone to run OS X, and that's more or less what it looks like.

Finally, if you look at the menu screen on the bottom picture and compare it with the main menu screen on the iphone on the top left, they couldn't be much more different. The shape, size, design and layout of the buttons don't have much in common.

At any rate, the LG Prada phone retails for close to 750 dollars US (which makes the iphone look cheap, unbelievably), has an SD card instead of on-board memory, likely won't have the accelerometer or other internal features of the iphone, and has a network system that will likely prevent it from being sold in the US. So Apple's market dominance will probably go unchallenged.

Album Review: Fall Out Boy "Infinity on High"

I was never much of a Fall Out Boy fan until now. I thought their long song titles (like “Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued”), were funny sometimes. I checked out songs like “Sugar We’re Going Down” and “Dance, Dance” and thought they were pretty good, but nothing spectacular. They’re okay tunes, but are they improvements on their main influences, Blink 182 or Green Day? Not especially, in my opinion. I read that the lead singer and songwriter records all the demos and instruments himself using Apple Garageband, which sounded about right to me. They sounded like an above average Garageband-recorded band. As far as I could make out, the main reason people liked them was because of their lyrics and sense of humor.

Then I heard that for their new album, they were going to go ridiculously over the top, with production by R&B Producer Babyface and appearances by Jay-Z. I read some blogs that smelled disaster in the making, but it actually sounded kind of promising to me. In the hands of any other band, those kinds of moves can look horribly pretentious. But in the hands of a band that doesn’t take itself so seriously, it could be fun.

That definitely seems to be the vibe. Rather than featuring a Linkin Park-style-crossover rap, the opening song “Thriller (feat.Jay-Z)” just has Jay-Z bragging triumphantly about the rise of Fall Out Boy, like he does at the beginning of all his own albums. As it fades out, he shouts “Young…F.O.B!”, as if the skinny white kids in Fall Out Boy are blinged-out rappers. It’s clearly a joke, and it made me laugh out loud.

But the real surprise? While most of the songs on From Here to Infinity resemble “dance, Dance”, the band has gotten considerably better. And for me, there are songs on here that have more replay value than their older stuff ever did.

Rather than trying to change their direction, Babyface seems to be working to enhance their existing sound, with a stronger rhythm section and bolder performances from the band’s lead singer (he produced the fourth track "I'm like a lawyer with the way I'm always trying to get you off (Me & You)", though it isn't drastically different in sound from the other songs). While there are some connections to male R&B, Fall Out Boy remains centered in rock and Emo, and they never lose touch with the elements that made them a good band in the first place. On the verses, the guitars jag along to the rythm like Jamiroquai or a white funk band. But when the choruses come, the songs explode into fuzzed out power chords just like every catchy rock song should. It works a lot better than it sounds, and these are their catchiest and hookiest tunes to date.

You might have heard “Arms Race” and “Carpal Tunnel of Love” by now…I wouldn’t worry if you’re not so into them. “Arms Race” is a fun song and a good first single, but its not the best tune on here. “Carpal Tunnel of Love” is okay, but it’s pretty middle-of-the-road for this album. The other songs are at least as good, usually better. Its also the most conventional song on the album. My guess is they put it out to show fans they haven’t changed too much.

Anyway, if you’ve been iffy about this band, check this out. Rather than having reached their peak, its beginning to look like this band is just getting warmed up.

Tracks to check out:

“The Takeover, the Break’s Over”

“I’m Like a Lawyer With the Way I’m Always Trying To Get you Off (Me &’ You)".

Cambodia - the long version

While I've got this blog, I figured I might as well put up some stuff about my travels elsewhere. This is a long patch-together of various emails I sent out during a trip to Cambodia while I was staying in Thailand.

I can't take credit for the photos- I didn't have a camera while I was there, so instead I threw on some pictures of the same basic locations from google.

Looking back, It strikes me how wide-eyed and innocent I sound. But it captures what it was like to be there pretty well.

Finally settled down in bangkok and am starting to feel at home. Have a nice place with satellite tv, air conditioning, sauna, etc. But I needed to leave the country to get a proper visa, so back to Cambodia. A round airplane trip to Pnomh Penh is only about $120, so that sealed the deal.

At the airport, which is actually kinda nice, I met an english guy on a visa run himself at the money exchange counter We decided to split a taxi into town. As it turns out he exports silver to the UK. He's a skydiver, and he was going on about the world-record skydiving thingamabob in pattaya next month. "Are you jumping?"I asked. He shook his head."Oh no," he said, "I'm out of practice."

"How so? You mean theres skill to it? I thought you just jumped out of the plane"

"Theres loads of skill, mate. You have sixty seconds before you pull your parachute. Its all in how you move your body"

I told him about this guy I saw on TV, who had invented a body suit, with amphibious wings that stretched from your wrists to your waist. He had flown 4 kilometres in it before pulling his chute.

He nodded sadly. "I knew him," he said. "Patrick de Gayardon. French. A very good friend of mine"

"What do you mean 'knew"?

"He's dead. Died on a test run."

"Wow...have you ever worn that suit yourself?"

"No."

We navigated through town and eventually splurged about 12 dollars each on a hotel with air conditioning and satellite tv. HBO! Cinemax! I'll watch it as soon as I get home. Anyway, some guys bothered us to get on their motorbikes and go around town. We cadged them down to about 4 dollars for the day. They wanted to take us to the killing fields.

"The killing fields? Whats that?" asked graham suspicously.

I'd heard about it. "The Khmer Rouge. As long as we're in Pnomh Penh, I think thats what we want to see" So off we went.

It actually said "Genocidal center" at the gate -in english. As if some khmer rouge

soldiers had sat their with stencils in hand, leafing through an english-khmer dictionary-

"A-ha! Heres the word we're looking for!"

There was this beautiful golden temple up their- thin, a single shaft. It was wide open, guys were just sitting there, soaking it in. Then I realized what the big deal was.

It was full of human skulls, top to bottom.

The ones on the bottom were the smallest. I realized why when I saw a sign in the shelf- "Female, 16-20"

The rest was mostly just mass graves. Hundreds of babies, but now there was nothing left but a hole in the ground. The men responsible are incarcerated and 80 years old. As far as I know, untortured and still retaining all their original limbs. The sign at the place said they were demons with human form. maybe they kept them alive just to separate decent people from these monsters, and to stay above them. Pol Pot himself died at 76 out on some leftover khmer rouge camp, never answering for what he did.

I couldn't believe I saw it. I didn't say anything. I just walked back to the motorbikes. They told me that at the museum, you can see actual film footage of them doing all this.

The bikers were keen to take us to a shooting range. "I've heard of that," I butted in. "You mean where we can blow up a cow with a rocket launcher bazooka for 200 bucks?"

The biker waved his hand at this patent, tourist exaggeration of the facts. "You don't have to kill a cow," he said dismissively."Bazooka rockets are very expensive. You can kill a smaller animal, like a possum, or a rooster, with a smaller gun, like maybe an M-60, or an AK-47."

Eventually our curiousity got the better of us, and we headed over. We were thinking maybe someone else would do it, and we could watch, making it okay, you see. But there was no-one there but us and a bunch of raccoons in cages waiting to get bought and shot at. The guy at the shooting range was really into trying to talk us into a sale. "Maybe, in your country, you can't do this kind of thing", he explained. "Now, you come to Cambodia, you can do this one time. It is like a wish".

There was this big GI-Joe style machine gun on a tripod with a belt of bullets half as long as your arm hanging down the side.

"Where did this gun come from?" demanded Graham.

"From the US", he answered

How old is it?"

"Maybe 10 years old."

"Where did you buy it from?"

"The government."

"Why did the government have a gun like this?"

There was a short silence, and the guy gave him a do-you-really-not-know,-or-are-you-just-f*cking-with-me sort of look.

"From the war." he finally said.

We went back to the hotel, and graham was keen to get to a bar. We eventually tracked down a place for expats. Graham, as it turns out, is something of a prostitute monger. (don't blame me for the company I keep- I've learned that if you get picky about who you hang out with in south east asia, you can wind up spending a lot of your time alone.)

We were in the right place for that, though- soon, we literally had 3 girls each massaging our backs. I hadn't even really turned around to see what they look like. They weren't even prostitutes or paid by the bar, just like random girls trying to get our attention. The place was so poor they would literally do anything for money. As the hands kneaded me in the back, Graham told me about his ambitions in Bangkok. He'd bought some land on koh samui for about 5000 dollars. Only companies half-owned by thais are permitted to buy land in thailand, but that hadn't been a problem- he had set up a company under a Thai lawyer for 800 bucks that basically amounted to "I wanna buy some land on a tropical beach, incorporated", and gotten some random cab drivers to co-sign for 3 bucks each, without even knowing what the document meant. The land had doubled in value in 6 months, and with rich people building multi-million dollar houses nearby, was sure to get even more valuable as time went on.

It got weirder, though. Remember his prositute penchant- He has a condo on the 21st floor of a swanky complex in bangkok with marble floors and two patios. On one, he's installed a circular, cemented table with a pole that goes up to the celing, where girls can give him private dances with the city lights stretching out from behind. He's spent over 3000 dollars on plants to line the patio with, so the neighbors can't see what he's up to.

Graham also owns a place in Gaoa (sp?) India. "A lot of crazy parties go on there, mostly israelis and some europeans. Stuff you wouldn't believe."

“like the stuff that goes on on Ko Samui?"

He shook his head. "Loads better. Thailand is done with, its a resort now. In Gaoa, they pay off the cops to stay away, and paint the trees day-glo orange so they reflect in the dark. And hash- more hash than you could ever believe."

We talked a bit more about buying property down here. Madonna has a place down in Phuket. The rich are just snapping them up. "Hold on to that ko Samui land," I said. "If you sell it next year, you'll get a good profit. But ten years from now, you'll be looking at all those million dollar houses next to your own, and think 'Jesus- what was I thinking selling back in 2005?"

He just nodded. Thailand might seem humble if you're holidaying there from Europe, but once you're living there and you get a feel for the cost of living, you realize just how thickly the stench of money is in the air. 15 years ago, Bangkok didn't look much different than Pnomh Penh. Today, its littered with high-rise apartments, american fast food restaurants and subway construction points. Everywhere you go, something is being built.

"What about the beaches here in cambodia? They're as nice as anything in thailand. We could pick them up for a song and sit on them. Even if **** hit the fan, we wouldn't be out much money."

He shook his head doubtfully. "I have a friend who wanted to invest in fitness clubs in vietnam ten years ago. That was supposed to be the next big thing. He's still waiting. Why would the next big tourist destination be here? Why Cambodia?"

"Because Thailand is saturated. Everyone flocks there and all the best spots are overcrowded, they're turning into dumps. It might be the biggest tourist destination in the world now, but its only a matter of time before people wise up to the fact that its overrated, and that there are nicer, quieter beaches just a short plane ride away. People in Japan told me pattaya was paradise before I came to thailand. By the time I got there it was rubbish. The way global tourism is going, someday all of it will be taken up."

He thought about it. "You might be right. But in ten years?" He gestured around the bar, causing one of the girls to lose grip on his back. "In ten years, it'll go from this to Bangkok? If I was in my early twenties I could see the point and the investment. But I'm too old to wait around long enough to see it happen."

"I think cambodia could take off, though. The people here are great. You can feel the energy and hope in the air. And its really easy for us westerners to get along with them. They don't have that complex asian type impenetrable society. Its nuclear families all the way, and whether or not you have a bond with your third cousin twice removed is up to you. Remember the guys that took us around town today? Those were some good guys. I could see myself hanging out with them and being friends with them. I could never do that with a thai guy. They're just too different than westeners, the relationships are too complex and weird."

He leaned in like he was about to tell me a secret. "I hate them," he said. "Their smiles are so phony, all they care about is money. Thailand is getting cocky, they're losing the friendliness that made them so famous in the first place. These days so many don't give a ****- you see all those kids walking around with expensive cell phones. they've changed."

The next day I headed out to the Thai embassy to get my visa bright and early. "Like maybe half an hour," I had told Graham dismissively when he had asked me how long I'd be. "I'll knock on your door at 9 tomorrow."

Thailand had other ideas. Just ten years ago, Thailand was a miracle on earth, a cheap tropical paradise free of civil war, rampant crime and all those other things that keep us from travelling to the earths' far corners. Westerners flocked to live in paradise, investors invested, Japanese corporations swung in, and a Thai elite was formed from profits over the sale of what was once nearly worthless land. It’s true that westernization has made it a more convenient place day-by-day, but its becoming a far cry from the untouched paradise people imagine when they visit their travel agent. All the best beaches have reached saturation- doubly so the ones the Lonely Planet travel guide labels as quiet and remote. Prices shoot up more and more every year, and the visa fees get higher and higher. But like a drunken father coming to after a two day binge to hit his child for making too much noise playing, Thailand has no concept of how to play the heavy. Its idea of restricting immigration seems to be just to hassle everyone who tries to get in indiscriminately. College educated, qualified worker or junkie in search of good opium, they all get the same hassle- at least until the government decides to stop trying to prove how tough they are, and goes back to being the lazy, permissive bums they really are.

Everyone applying was standing on the other side of the road, across from the embassy, waiting for a guy to call our number through a megaphone. You'd have thought we were refugees. As far as thailand's concerned, most of us probably were.

It got worse. There was all sorts of red tape. You have to fill in this form. Done. Well, why didn't you fill in two forms? You mean the exact same form, with the same information all over again? Exactly.

Okay, did it. Well, where's your photograph? What photograph? For the application. Incidentally, I just happen to have a leftover passport shot in my bag. Isn't that lucky? No wait, you need two photographs. Go have another one taken.

Can't you just copy the first form and picture? Nope.

Visa cost:15 dollars. No extra fees will be added, the form pledged solemnly. But a posting at the checkpoint said otherwise- Visa:50 US dollars.

Whats that? You don't have 50 dollars in US funds? No, we don't accept Cambodian money. No, we don't accept Thai baht, our own currency. You're just going to have to pay someone to drive you a kilometre for a money changer, get fleeced on the exchange rate, come back here and get in the back of the line.

On it went. There was a Swiss guy in his late twenties pacing around nervously, looking for someone to share his bones over Thai immigration with. "The lady say I stay too long, she say she has to speak to her boss. But what I do is legal. there is nothing wrong. I don't understand them."

He works as an architect. Sends his plans to his company in switzerland, has all those fat Euros deposited in his account, and lives high on the hog in downtown Bangkok for what would be a 21st century-serf salary back in europe. But now he might have hit a snag. "If they don't let me back in, I don't know what I do," he said. "I have a nice apartment, a tv, a girlfriend..."

"Good luck. If anything goes wrong, perhaps you can just live here and visit a month at a time."

He tipped his cigarette, looked down the street and surveyed the Cambodia around us. "Maybe I will," he said.

By the time I got back to the hotel it was around 1 and Graham had already left for Bangkok. He had left me his phone number (If I see him again, I can get his pictures of the stuff from day one.)

Me and the biker headed out to the Khmer Rouge prison, a converted grade school, were the classrooms were covered from top to bottom by political "dissidents" stripped to their underwear and laying on the floor, and dog collared to chains put in place by iron spikes on the floor. While in captivity, they were electocuted for so much as saying a word to anyone. One by one, they were taken into interrogation tooms, where their fingernails were pulled out until they "confessed" to crimes against "the people". And then, of course, they were killed.

They were stupid enough to photograph mug shots of every one of their victims, clear cut proof of their atrocities.

In one of the pictures was an American. Even with his 70's shirt and disco hair-do you could see what a good looking guy he was. He seemed to be staring off into the distance, wondering where the hell he was, and how he ever got there.

Back to the embassy, for even more formalities. My driver had a 2-inch long pinky fingernail, even though all his other nails were well-kept. I've only seen that once before, on Leo, a big african guy I knew that ran some hip-hop clothing stores in Japan. Leo had a really bad crystal meth habit.

"Hey,"I asked innocently, "whats the long pinky finger all about?"

He gave me an embarrassed smile. "Oh, this? You see this before?"

I just smiled. "Maybe once"

He couldn't figure out if I really didn't know or if I was just messing with him. "It useful

for...scratching," he finally managed. "Hey, you see a picture of people in India?" He

said, trying to change the subject. "They have really long nails."

He played snooker in his free time, he said, and he used to play football, but not anymore. "When I was soldier, I was shot on mountain in leg. I fall, I do not die, but my leg is bad now, it hurts when I move"

"Really? Who shot you?"

"The Khmer Rouge"

"What were you doing up on the mountain?"

"Our government, they make everyone who not have job be soldier. They are not good."

"But they've got to be better than the Khmer Rouge?"

He shrugged, like it didn't matter much. "Maybe," he said. "But they just want power and money. That is what they care about"

"Are there any Khmer Rouge left today" I asked.

"Some."

"They live in the jungle?"

"They must be pretty old"

"Yeah, but they have kids also. So some young"

I paused. I was still in a daze over what I had seen at the prison.

"Have you ever talked to a Khmer Rouge soldier?"

He gave an embarrassed laugh as he answered. "I have talked with many Khmer Rouge soldiers."

"Are they different from other Cambodians?"

"Not different." He was being polite about it, but you could tell he thought my questions were really naive.

Another pause. "Why did they do what they did? Whats wrong with them?"

He just shrugged.

"I don't know," he said.

By the third day I was pretty bummed out. I was getting tired of seeing the poverty everywhere. Cambodia looks kind of like what Africa looks like on TV. Its on the same latitude, and for reasons I won't go into its a flat plain along the center. In Angkor last month there was something refreshing or even kind of spiritual about it, seeing people fishing in the river, or riding their bikes down dirt roads. As poor as people were there was a hope and energy in the air. You could kind of romanticize it.

But in Phnomh Penh you saw how bad things really were. Its hard to romanticize a country after you've seen piles of baby skulls that belonged to kids that would be your age or younger if they were still alive. Its hard to get peppy about the burgeoning economy when you meet a 34 year old guy, the go-getter sort of person that would be making 40 or 50k a year no problem back home, driving western kids around town on the back of a motorbike for 4 dollars a day.

I told my driver I'd spend the day on foot and walked around. Found a beautiful temple up north covered in monkeys. Everyone was feeding them bananas, some of them were noticeably fat. The cripples who had had their limbs blown off by landmines in the jungle begging for change splayed out motionlessly on the ground on the same path didn't have quite the same novelty appeal for tourists; their rib-cages were quite visible. But other than that, their lifestyles were all quite similar. Just hanging out in the park all day and all night in front of an ancient temple left over from the country's better times, dependent on the fast little charities of strangers for survival. That monkey had it pretty sweet- it was like one of the only obese life-forms in the whole city, maybe the country. "Man," I said to the fat monkey as he knawed on a banana half. "Wouldn't that guy with no leg over there just kill to be you."

I climbed to the top of the temple and let a guy persuade me to pay him a dollar to free two birds. He handed them to me from out of the cage, and their little bodies trembled in my hands. I opened my palm and up they went in the sky. I had just paid him out of sympathy, but there really was something poetic about it when I saw it.

Bought a bootleg copy of "Off the Rails in Phnom Penh" from a stall and leafed through the pictures. One showed the author at the russian market. My driver had reccomended I go there, but I already have one of those infinite egg-shaped babushka dolls, and I didn't want to waste money on knick-knacks, even cheap ones.

But that wasn't what he had in his hand in the picture. It was a bag of weed. A big bag of weed. Like, the size of his head.

"Score!" the caption read. "Two Dollars' worth"

You there! 2000 riel to take me to the russian market on your motor bike, now!"

Idiocracy

About 7 years ago, Mike Judge, the creator of Beavis and Butthead and King of the Hill, put out a live-action movie called Office Space, starring Jennifer Aniston and some unknowns.

It did poorly in theatres, and critics panned it with all the usual complaints they make of any comedy movie- that its unstructured, runs out of jokes, etc. But they were missing the point. Office Space was about the agony of wasting your life away in a cubicle doing a meaningless job you hate, and no-one captured it better or with more humor than Mike Judge. there are so many movies about counter-terrorism secret agents and other people that don't even really exist, yet nearly all of us have worked those kinds of jobs at one point or another, its an experience something nearly all of us share. So its no wonder that in the end Office Space went on to become a cult classic on DVD. If anything, it's amazing no-one did a movie like this sooner.

In short, no-one calls B.S on the world better than Mike Judge. He finds the irritating things about people like bosses and pushy sales clerks and nails them hard. In Office Space, he took on work. In this new movie, Idiocracy, he takes on the rest of the world.

The plot is that while smart, educated people are waiting later and later to have kids, and often just have single child families, the rednecks and morons of the world are breeding like rabbits, and more and more of the world is being over-run by fat, beer-swilling idiots. 500 years from now, the world has become an abyss of Costcos, Starbucks, and movies about farts and people that get kicked in the testicles...and no-one has an IQ over 70.

The hero, played by Luke Wilson, is an average joe in the army cryogenically frozen as part a top secret experiment. When he wakes up in the future, he finds he has become the smartest person in the world. The streets are littered with garbage and decaying technology that people are forgetting how to use. It's not really a science fiction movie...the "500 years in the future" angle is just an excuse to show stupidity on steroids.

So why haven't you heard of it before now? The studio that funded it, 20th Century Fox, HATED it, and wanted to wash their hands of it. It only screened in 5 cities, and didn't get any advertising or even trailers. Last week, a heavily (and sloppily) edited version was unceremoniously dumped onto video. There are rumors they only put it out because they were contractually obliged to, but they've done the bare minimum, and they seem pretty determined to kill it. Strange...Office Space went on to sell about 6 million DVDs, even if this movie was terrible (and its not), they could probably have re-couped with some hype directed at those fans.

Anyway, while this cut of the movie feels choppy and a bit incomplete, I really like it, and think it has good replay value. If you liked Office Space rent this, or even buy it. Mike Judge deserves the support.

Make Old El Paso Taco Seasoning at Home!

I can’t call myself a particularly good cook, and when it comes to food I’m a man of simple tastes. But the few things I do cook I try to put some work into. In college I made Italian Hamburger Helper with Milk, mushrooms, onions, cheese and spices. When I made hamburgers, I put extra time into putting on salsa and bacon.

Due to the abundance of Tortilla shells, guacamole, sour cream and salsa available at Costco here, my latest thing is Mexican food, in the form of soft-shell tacos and burritos. If you use chicken, they can even pass as healthy. The one problem is getting that Mexican taste into the meat though, just adding salt doesn’t cut it. Normally, the only way I can ever find Mexican meat seasoning is inside taco kits, which cost a fortune, or in boxes of Taco-flavored hamburger helper.

Finally, I think I've cracked the code to it. I’m still fiddling with the proportions, but this stuff more or less looks, smells and tastes exactly the same as the taco spice found in those outrageously expensive Old El Paso taco kits. The main ingredients are only slightly more expensive than water and air, and the rest can be bought in little bottles for a dollar. I mix up a big bowl of it and keep it on top of the fridge. Makes meat taste great and saves a lot of money.

I recommend you just make a small amount, and fiddle with the amounts to taste. Here’s a rundown-

1. Flour, 2 tablespoons. They use Maize Corn Flower, which seems to be grainier, but regular flower is okay too. Only problem is the sauce tends to stick to the pan more after you cook.

2. Salt, 2 teaspoons. Be careful with it. A little goes a long way, and too much salt will ruin it.

3. Sugar, 2 teaspoons. Didn’t see that coming…they work together really well though

4. Paprika, one big teaspoon. This gives it most of its color.

5. Onion powder, one big teaspoon.

6. Cumin, one big teaspoon. Didn’t even know what this stuff was…gives it a lot of the Mexican flavor. Available nearly everywhere, at least here. And this isn’t exactly an epicenter of Central American cuisine.

7. Chili Powder, 1-2 big teaspoons to taste.

8. Garlic powder, one teaspoon.

9. Oregano, 1 coffee spoon…not too much.

10. Ground Cayenne pepper or Hot red pepper, 0-1 teaspoons to taste (makes it hot)

After you fry up your meat, add a quarter cup of water and a tablespoon of this stuff and stir it around. Let it boil until it turns into a thick sauce and reduce heat (this is also a good time to melt cheese on the meat, btw).

Sound expensive or too much of a hassle? Keep in mind that if you get those little dollar store bottles of spices for the less common stuff, all these ingredients only amount to about 10 bucks, less when you consider you already have half of it in the house anyway. One big mix will give you all the spice you’ll ever need.

Everyone likes Tacos and burritos, right? So why don’t we eat them more? Unless you live in the southern United States and you have alternate sources, probably because those taco kits with the spice mixes are too expensive to make a habit out of it- At least that’s why I never did. Mix up a bowl of this stuff and free yourself!

Ramen Porn

First, a little background- Ramen soup isn't just for broke college kids out here, it's a prized cuisine, fast food from the '50's that has gradually received some kind of cultural status. Regions of the country take pride in their local varieties. In Fukuoka, the local Tonkotsu Ramen, with a Pork-based soup, is huge, and shops that sell it infest the city. People take it pretty seriously.

So anyway, there's this little ramen shop not far from my house, just a rickety old building with a small sliding door covered in curtains. Seeing it from the front, it looks like it could seat maybe four people on barstools. There's a little vending machine out front to buy ramen tickets, so that
the staff doesn't have to fumble with your change.

In other words, it's just like any Ramen shop, except if anything even smaller and more obtuse. But here's the thing- it always seems really, unusually busy. I couldn't even figure out how all the people buying tickets from it could fit in.

So finally I go in, just to see what's up. It's dark inside, and there's just this red curtain in front of me. Finally I notice there's a bit of space on either side of the curtain. I go through a narrow alley to the left and come against little stools, separated by curtains from the front and sides. It feels really seedy, like its designed so that no-one will see you, and you can eat your ramen in privacy and shame. Someone slips a little piece of paper under the curtain, and you mark what type of ramen you want, all kinds of little choices regarding fat content, flavor, garlic, spices etc. Eventually, a bowl of ramen is pushed toward you from under the curtain, and you eat it, and slink out. At no point in this interaction need you see or deal with another human being directly.

You know what's really funny? It's pretty damn good! I've been there like three times already.

My students told me about a similar place run by a Ramen Nazi. You're required to sip the soup without putting in any condiments before adding sauces and going for the noodles. If you disobey? He kicks you out!

UPDATE:

Apparently, the place I went to is pretty famous. Twenty years ago it was a members-only institution, and you needed to be in the club just to get in.

The reason for the curtains? They take Ramen Soup so seriously they want you to be able to enjoy the Ramen in sensory deprivation, without any distractions or disturbances of any kind.

The existence of this Blog brought to you by sweet, unproductive free time

Finally getting some days to just kick back...between September and December I was insanely busy teaching, and on the weekend I was going to school and taking courses for my Masters degree. Kyushu Sangyo University is finished their second semester so I'm off until the new year starts in April, and I'm not taking any courses at Temple this term, so aside from a few weekend workshops in Osaka I have my Saturdays free until Spring too. Its great having some free time again.

I fell out of touch with my sister Ali over the past few months because I was so slow getting back to her emails, if at all. Didn't hear much from her over Christmas. If you're reading this I love you Ali!

Lately I've been riding around on this motorcycle. Got my license over the summer...didn't ever have one in Canada, so if I drive back home that means I'll need to get an international license...weird...anyway, a friend of mine found this on the side of the road out in the country with a "take me" sign on it. A Honda VT250Z, About 14,500 km on it and at least 20 years old. My friend's friend fixed it up cheap, replaced the breaks, the ignition, the tires...if I'd sent it to a shop it would've cost 1600-2000 dollars. Got it all for $600.

Within the city its actually not as useful as you'd expect it to be, because the traffic is so bad its usually just as fast to take a bicycle and jump the lights, but its good for getting out to Costco and out of town. Here are some shots of the country...not bad for the middle of Winter.














Since its only a 250cc motor I don't have to pay for Shakken, these bi-annual inspections they make all vehicles go through here that cost thousands of dollars as part of a ruse to stimulate the economy- as much as possible, they want people to go out and buy new stuff (seriously, this is not a conspiracy theory- earlier this year, they tried to ban the resale of electronics over 5 years old, which would have put the recycle shops that students rely on to find cheap stuff out of business).

Noam Chomsky once said that Japan was more or less a Fascist state, in that theres a central government that silently controls every aspect of life. Not the Mussolini, boot-stomping variety, more the friendly, ultra-polite, we-do-this-for-your-well-being variety. And don't think I'm getting negative here, I'm not saying I don't enjoy it. But by the strict dictionary definition, basically Fascist nonetheless.

Anyway, the 250cc motor is fine for around town, but if I want to do some touring and take off to Hokkaido and other far reaches of the country I'm gonna need a bigger bike, but that involves a lot more money and a bigger commitment to it...Maybe I'll just get a car. I saw an old BMW the other day for like $7500, I swear to God. Thats sick cheap for this country.

Testing uploading pictures...this is the view from my kitchen window